Understanding Your Emotions

What I realize is that when I talk about the Book of my life; and what I didn’t realize until I started to do it was just how much I knew without knowing, if that makes sense. It’s a bit like saying, you know, a supermodel can look in the mirror and think she’s ugly. I mean, how’s this possible, yeah? But that’s what happens every day of the week. So, you look at yourself, your own life, and because it’s yours you don’t think it’s… you think everybody else’s life is the same as yours, why would it be different? It’s not until you actually go back and study it, that you rise, “Oh, my goodness! Well, I had this kind of feeling all along, but because that was my feeling I didn’t know that everybody else didn’t have that feeling,” you know?

So, actually, the Book about my life is incredibly important; much more important than I ever imagined. And it will show you just how much your lives are actually like mine, that you also haven’t realized. What I find a bit extraordinary is if I ask people, “Well, what was the first thing you can remember in your life?” most people start at 5 or 6. I started when I was about 8 months, you know, or even less. It’s very important to feel and remember; it’s a different thing to thinking, yeah? So, for me when I write this Book it’s quite difficult because I have to get the timeline right, which is the hardest thing; which bit happened before this bit or that bit, or this bit, you know. But it’s very important to remember things and how you were. And actually, the more the Kundalini works in you, the more you can remember about your life, and what has happened. Of course, if you have bad things, then you can kind of bury your life, and you don’t… you want to forget it. But of course, actually, that doesn’t really work either, because actually sometimes you need to go back and uncover things, because a lot of what happens to us is… affects us, you know, as we become adults. And that’s why originally I did the one-to-ones where I started from the moment you could remember and work through your lives. And then what happens is when you’re talking to me I feel what you felt at that moment. And then I say to you, “Okay, so, that doesn’t feel great when you went to school,” for example. So then I think, “Right!” So, I can go through someone’s whole life and get to 20, and something happens, and it’s from that moment that I need to work on the person; and everybody’s different.

It’s a fascinating thing to do if you have the ability to do it; because you listen and you listen, and suddenly – bang! Although the person might be saying to me, that, “Actually, I felt great at college,” I go, “Yeah, you think you felt great, but your heart is telling me you didn’t. What happened at college?” And then it evolves, you know. So, last night I spoke about going back through your life to see what’s affected you now. And, you know, we can all do that with each other. You can do it with your children; you can do it with your children; and sometimes it’s really good to sit down with them and say, “How do you feel about so-and-so?” Okay, stop feeling guilty now, it’s okay. You see? As soon as I mention it, you… [Nick’s snapped his fingers] left Vishuddhi. So, don’t feel guilty. Whatever has happened has happened for a reason. It’s okay, don’t worry about it. So, when I said about your children you felt guilty. It’s impossible to be a perfect parent. We do our best; we help each other; it’s a thankless, very difficult job. And, you know, we’re in it together to help each other. So, don’t worry about things; stop! Okay, everybody, come on! So, that just goes to show, yeah, that you need to sit down with your children and say, “Okay, what happened to us? How did we get to this point?” yeah? And maybe, you know, run over a few things.

And, you know, that affects them. But to actually talk about it to them is really important. And sometimes it’s very hard to show your children love because you have to pick up their dirty washing, you have to do their washing up, you have to clear their bedrooms, you know, and life’s chores take over the niceties, you know. So it is a really, really hard job, and, I would say, particularly at this time, you know. But I think it’s important for all of us to look at our lives and see what has happened, and try and figure out when we didn’t feel good. But remember – I always say it – it doesn’t matter what’s happened, because everything has happened for a reason and that’s driven you to this point today.

So, you have to thank it, really, and acknowledge it; and if you’ve had really horrible parents you can say, “Well, thanks a lot! I’m really glad you were horrible to me, because you drove me to the truth,” yeah? Then you let go of it; you say it and it’s gone, it’s finished, is over; who cares? But I kind of feel I need to say this a lot to you, because everybody hangs on to this, “Oh, if only,” you know, or, “Why couldn’t it have been different.”

So, I’ll tell you something; we went to Sainte-Maxime, and I went there for a particular reason. So, you wanted me to go to Paris or Strasbourg; well, I wanted to go to Sainte-Maxime. I’m always gonna go where I want to go. And I went there because I went there as a child; so, I was 8. And of course, it’s hugely important, because of the historical reasoning with Lord Jesus Christ. And we went there; and I went with my parents, brother and sister when I was 8. And I walked into the hotel; so, I haven’t been there for 53 years, and unfortunately, the hotel was nothing like it was 53 years ago; it was really, you know, downtrodden and not very nice. But it was interesting for me to feel how I felt at 8 years old on that holiday, and how I felt… – I’m going to cry now – about my parents, and my brother and sister, you know. So, you know, the beauty about the emotion is it’s not that I’m sad or upset, but it’s my true feeling. And that’s all that matters. So, what was interesting is I came out of the hotel and I rang my sister, immediately, and I said, “You won’t guess where I am,” and she said, “Where are you?” I said, “I’m in Sainte-Maxime and I’ve just been to le Chardon Bleu. It was renowned for its food; anyway. And I said to her I’m in Sainte-Maxime, I’ve just been to whatever it’s called, and she said, “Oh, my God!” and I said, “What?” She started to cry and I thought, “Oh, my God! What have I done?” And she said, “That’s the moment after that holiday our life’s changed forever.” Why? My mum had an affair; my dad became an alcoholic and a drug addict, and my family life was finished. I wanted to hug her!

So, the reason I’m telling you this is that we all go through things which are hugely emotional. But actually what I felt when she said that to me was, “My God!” You, you’ve realized as well, as me. Okay, I was eight, she was twelve. Did I understand at eight? Yes, I did; but I’m not sure I felt quite the same as my sister. But the point I’m trying to make is that we’ve all had horrible situations and difficult situations to deal with; and how did we cope? Did we cope okay or not? What did I do? I realized that I had to lead my own life, even at the age of 10, you know. That I had to be responsible for myself, and what they did was what they were going to do, and there was nothing I could do about that. You will read this in my Book and it’s really important, because I go into so much detail about my feelings, about where we were, what we were doing. And in a way, it was a good thing, because it made me more independent and more my own person because I could see all of the problems that they had caused themselves and everybody else. And I vowed that I wouldn’t make those mistakes, but it’s not easy, is it? Being parents, you know, with the situation in life.

So, when you come to me with your problems, I know what it’s like, you know. I know all of the things you felt, you know. But you have to deal with it. The only way you can move on is to deal with it. And, you know, in a way our parents did their best; but they probably didn’t do as well as we did, yeah? And our kids will probably do better than us, because evolution is moving. So, if our parents didn’t love us, because of the war or whatever, you know, they were brought up. You know, my mom used to say, “We used to hide it; we used to sleep under stairs every night because the Germans sent over these things called doodlebugs, which the engine would cut and you knew then it was gonna hit the ground and explode.” So, they were… didn’t have pilots or anything; they would just fill them up with a certain amount of petrol and fly it towards London, and it would… you know. So, thank goodness, we haven’t had all of that to deal with. But, you know, you have to look at yourself; you have to look at your life; you have to then realize, how many times have I said in the Books that you… we mustn’t become our parents. And it’s such an easy trap because the only people we have as role models are our own parents. But we don’t want to become like them, because they didn’t do a great job today, okay? So, at least if we are ourselves and not them, we’ve got a better chance of doing a better job; but it is hugely difficult. I mean, I… when I look at parents in the street, I take my hat off to every parent I walk past. Every parent! So, it’s very important to feel the emotion; cry, if you want to, you know; but also to realize, why these things happened. And they… all of the things that happened to me made me the person I am today.

So, to become your own guru you have to realize about yourself; you have to understand yourself. If you don’t understand yourself, how you’re going to understand anybody else. So, it’s really important. When I feel your heart, I know what’s happening. So, you have the same capacity as I do, you know; we’re not really that different in that way. Luckily we’re at a different time now to the past; so, in a way, we don’t have to worry so much about other people’s vibrations, because that’s their problem; and I’ve never asked anyone to work on anybody, really, and I’m not going to start, okay? Of course, it’s important to help people, but, in a way, it’s more psychological now, yeah, than it is working on your chakras. It’s more figuring out how to get better; how to understand yourself; how to understand our society; how to make everything better for everybody. I love everything. I love information, I love the news, I love music, I love life. I love it because it’s fascinating. What can I learn today? What can I feel about the world today that I couldn’t feel yesterday? How is everybody in the group? What can I feel from you guys? Is everybody okay? If they’re not – I better find out what’s going on with somebody. So, you can be the same. If you suddenly feel, “Gosh, I hope so and so, is okay”; well, then just send them a text, “Are you okay?”

So, this is the new society that we’re trying to create.

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